7 hours ago
112,229 notes
Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher) Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
#I'm pretty sure that every teacher has said #i hate homework #fuck tests #fuck the government #and #i hate that little bitch
9 hours ago
41,371 notes
makesomethingmarvelous:

Best idea ever for those shirts that tend to slide off your shoulders. Sew in a simple clip to attach around your bra.

makesomethingmarvelous:

Best idea ever for those shirts that tend to slide off your shoulders. Sew in a simple clip to attach around your bra.

(via undercover-witch)

#genius! #snaps #bra #shirt #clip
11 hours ago
101,351 notes

megumiaino:

let me get this straight. *grabs the nearest heterosexual* now where were we

(via ne-ne-assbutt)

#straight #heterosexual #sexuality #let me get this straight
14 hours ago
87,426 notes
okaymofo:

you is kind
you is smart
you is an official Barbie baby-sitter

okaymofo:

you is kind

you is smart

you is an official Barbie baby-sitter

(via girlyblueraindrops)

#grammar #barbie #barbie baby-sitter #baby-sitter #you is
17 hours ago
355,230 notes
steampoweredsass:

tywinllannister:

thepredatorblog:

tallestsilver:

ryrick:

this will never not be funny.

I REFUSE

i can’t actually breathe

It looks pissed

get out

steampoweredsass:

tywinllannister:

thepredatorblog:

tallestsilver:

ryrick:

this will never not be funny.

I REFUSE

i can’t actually breathe

It looks pissed

get out

(via owynsama)

#kraken #octopus #pool #pee pee #pee #stop going pee pee in the pool
19 hours ago
385 notes
ausprus:

artist

ausprus:

artist

#aph #hetalia #auspru #pruaus #aph austria #roderich edelstein #aph prussia #gilbert beilschmidt
19 hours ago
108,897 notes

heterophobicgoat:

stupidandreckless:

NOOOO NO NO NONO FUCK FUCK  FUCKIG CBS IS TELLING WOMEN NOT TO REPORT SEXUAL HARASSMENT BECAUSE IT WILL “DAMAGE THEIR CAREERS” and “HARASSMENT IS AN UNFORTUNATE PART OF CLIMBING THE LADDER” I AM SO ANGRY THEY ARE LITERALLY TURNING SEXUAL HARASSMENT INTO A NORM THIS IS NOT OKAY

This is an actual article and I’m still having a hard time believing it’s real.

This article is the real deal. If anyone is sexually harassed in the work place you should report it. This so-called “journalism” advocates to women that if you want to make it in a big time career that you shouldn’t report sexual harassment because it impedes your chances of climbing the ladder.

The author says that it’s fine for women with low pay checks and who are unskilled because they have less to loose and are fine with being fired; but women of intellectual and financial “superiority” should never do that. The air of “you’re too smart for that” comes off in this article.

It’s repugnant that anyone in this day and age should advocate for such backwater ideas. The fact that women are corned into feeling like this and have to put up with sexual harassment in the work place, any work place, is a sign that societies don’t provide equality universally.

(via usagi323)

#sexual harassment #gender equality #cbs #wtf #equality #gender #sexism
21 hours ago
33,202 notes
walrus-in-the-tardis:

the only shirt i need

walrus-in-the-tardis:

the only shirt i need

(via yaoibutts)

#sweet jesus #pizza #pizza pocket
21 hours ago
423,202 notes

lastgreattimewhore:

if lucifer needs someones consent to enter their body then so do you

(via monikakarl)

#just think about that for a second #consent #rape culture #even lucifer has more respect than a rapist #ghetto snap
21 hours ago
127,851 notes
how to identify “boy” clothes and “girl” clothes

patrocluschironides:

are you a boy? your clothes are boy clothes.

are you a girl? your clothes are girl clothes.

are you outside the binary of boy and girl? so are your clothes.

did someone just tell you your clothes don’t match your gender identity? they are a trashcan and their clothes are trashcan clothes.

(via monikakarl)

#god i can't tell you #how much #i hate it when people do this #just because I'm #pastey white #and plantinum blonde #doesn't mean that i want to wear pastels and flooffy dresses #fuck off #i want to wear fedoras #vests #and boots #gender #clothes